Sanctuary
by The Blind Apprentice
Summary: Summer after Ootp; while wandering aimlessly one afternoon, Harry makes his way to a church. One-Shot
1. Chapter 1

Sanctuary

By The Blind Apprentice

Summary: Summer following Ootp- Harry finds himself walking along and stumbles upon a church. One-Shot

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Harry was wandering aimlessly down Wisteria Walk, completely unaware of his surroundings. Glad of the fact that Dudley and his gang got tired of 'Harry hunting' and decided to go harass someone else for a change…. Poor soul…

Harry stopped at an intersection and was waiting for the light to change when he just-so-happened to look up and see a church. It was a beautiful quaint little brick church with a little side garden that had a gate leading to the sidewalk.

Harry had never thought about going inside a church before but something compelled him… curiosity, a search for something, he didn't know.

Once the light had changed he crossed to the little church and walked up to the door. The doors were closed but a sign read 'the doors are always open to the children of God'. Taking this as an invitation he squeezed the old iron handle and opened the heavy wooden door. Despite its size and its obvious age, the hinges moved soundlessly.

Harry stepped inside and silently closed the door behind him. He was met with a vestibule with benches and pegs on the walls- presumably to hold coats and such. He wore no such garments so he proceeded to enter the nave. He opened the wooden doors with stained glass inlays onto a beautiful nave. The altar was laid as if in waiting for the Eucherist that would be held later that day. The vestments were in red- which signifies the season of Pentacost- that information however was lost on Harry, as he had never set foot in a church before.

Harry was mesmerized by the beautiful space, the rich wood of the pews, walls, and even the rafters in the ceiling. He saw the beautiful stained-glass windows with various depictions of characters and stories from the Bible. Harry stood for several moments mouth agape at the beauty laid before him.

Then out of nowhere, a gentle hand rested on his shoulder. Harry jumped a foot in the air and whirled to see a smiling priest standing before him. Harry still stood mouth agape, "many have stood in this spot and proclaimed to have seen the glory of God." The priest chuckled, "my usual response to that is to wait until they sit and hear a sermon and the choir, now that, in my opinion is the glory of God." Harry still stood mouth open. The priest held out his hand, "Father Robert Brown, I'm the Curate here."

Harry came aware enough to shake the man's hand out of politeness. "Nice to meet you… um… sir."

The priest smiled again, "ah yes, what title to use. Personally, feel free to call me Robert, or Rob, or Father if you so wish. I am merely a humble servant of God, the glory goes only to him. But please forgive my rudeness, what is your name?"

"Um… Harry, Sir. Harry Potter."

"Potter… I don't believe I recall a family with the name of Potter… are you new to the area?"

Harry flushed- maybe this had been a bad idea after-all. "No, um I live with my Aunt and Uncle on Privitt Drive."

"Ah, I see. My apologies if I have offended you Harry, I was merely curious. Now, since you are here, how may I help you?"

Harry stood shocked, "Help me… do what?"

The Curate smiled once more. "I do apologize I merely assumed that since you had entered you needed some assistance of some kind. Forgive my forwardness, I do apologize."

Harry shook his head, "No, it's ok… I don't know why I came… I just…. I donno."

"It's all right you are welcome here any time. As a matter of fact, we are about to celebrate our mid-week service. Would you like to stay?"

"You mid-week…. what?"

The priest smiled again. "Harry- do you mind if I call you Harry?" Harry shrugged, "-would it be fair to say that this is your first time in a church?" He nodded. "Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you. You have found yourself standing in an Anglican church- also known as the Church of England. I am the Curate here; that means I am the assistant priest to the Rector here his name is Father Frank Arelo. What I meant earlier about our mid-week service is that in about twenty minutes I am going to celebrate Eucherist- which is the consuming of the body and blood of Jesus Christ, which is symbolized by eating a wafer and sipping wine. I would understand if you're not interested but if you're curious you are welcome to stay if you wish."

Harry shrugged. The priest smiled once more. "Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I must go prepare myself. Here, take one of these, it's called the Book of Common Prayer, turn it to page 319 and you will be able to follow along. Once I've finished later, I will be happy to explain anything you wish to know, all right?"

Harry nodded and took a seat in the fourth row of pews upon Father Rob's suggestion so he would be able to see what's going on.

---

Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, people began to enter the church. Generally they were older folks some walking with walkers and canes or simply others who entered and sat alone looking sad. Harry took this all in, in silence. He had been sitting alone on the pew when an elderly lady decided to join him with a "good afternoon deary." He politely smiled back at her.

A few moments later, the priest walked in carrying a book above his head. Once he had entered, the people stood up. Harry noticed in the bulletin when to stand and sit so when the priest had reached the altar, he sat when the people did.

The service continued on and Harry didn't really have any 'reactions' to anything until he reached the part where the people confessed their sins.

The part where the confession reads "things done and left undone, things known and unknown" struck Harry the hardest. He was feeling extremely guilty after that then the priest said "Almighty God have mercy on you, forgive you all your sins through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen you."

Then after the blessing the people went up to receive communion. Harry read in the bulletin how to hold his hands and what to do when he got up there. He was curious so he followed the kind older lady who he knelt beside and copied her movements. He was blessed by the priest as he was handed the wafer, then when the chalice came by, he drank from it also.

The service ended and the folks were walking out of the church to greet the priest. Harry decided to hang back a few moments, he had some questions he was dying to ask and wanted to know what this person would say.

---

Once all of those who had spoken with the priest had gone, Father Rob returned to the Nave to find Harry sitting on the steps before the altar simply waiting.

He took off his outer vestments and proceeded to take a seat beside Harry. "So Harry, what do you think, any questions?"

There was silence for a few moments before Harry spoke. "Earlier when you forgave us for our sins, was that just you forgiving us, or do you think that people that are dead forgave us from our sins too?"

Father Rob had to think about that one for a few moments before replying. "Well Harry… I know that no matter what we do, God will always forgive us as long as we are sincere in our asking."

Harry was quiet for a second before speaking again, "So does God control people that are dead?"

"God doesn't control people who are dea, no. However he does live with those that are in Heaven."

Harry got frustrated and stood up. He walked down the asile and began to pace a bit before he turned to the priest, with tears in his eyes. "Father Rob, if I told you something, would you have to tell someone?"

"Well Harry, it depends on what it was, but no I wouldn't, unless you are thinking of hurting yourself or others. Anything other than that, can stay just between us."

Harry walked back to the steps and sat down again. "I killed someone… I didn't mean to… it was an accident."

There was silence for a few moments as Father Rob mulled over that statement. "All right. Well Harry, have you told anyone about this? I only ask because this is a lot of weight to be carrying around on your own."

He shook his head. "Some people were there, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone."

Father Rob sighed. "Harry, whatever we discuss will not go further than this room, so if you feel you need to speak with someone, you are welcome to speak with me, but we will go at your pace, only tell me what you're comfortable telling me, all right?"

Harry nodded. "It was back in May, before I came home for summer hols. I get these… thoughts sometimes about things that are going to happen… at least that's what I thought it was…"

"All right."

"But when we got there… he wasn't there… I was wrong! I could have gotten my friends killed, almost did! …And… he died…. Because of me! Because I let Snape throw me out! Because I'm weak and couldn't keep my nose out of my own business! It's my fault that he died, I killed him… If I had just done what I was supposed to, he would still be here!"

Father Rob looked down at the shaking and sobbing boy lying on his side curled up on the altar steps. He sighed and gently placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. He didn't say anything, just rested his hand there to offer comfort and solidarity. He sat there for a few moments with Harry then gently squeezed the boy's shoulder to gain his attention. "Harry. I am sure you feel responsible for his death but unless you did nothing to prevent it or killed him by your own hands, you are not responsible."

Harry shot up and turned to face the priest and yelled, "But he was way across the room and I was fighting someone else and I couldn't get to him! Lupin held me back, and I tried to go after him but he wouldn't let me! I should have saved him!" He immediately crumpled again and was once more sobbing on the floor.

Father Rob sighed. He recognized this for what it was 'Survivor's Guilt'. He had seen it only a few times, once in Seminary while working in a hospital; a parent had lost their child to an accident when they were the one driving and escaped with only mild injuries.

The most important thing for dealing with situations like this was to give them comfort and to keep telling them that they weren't responsible and eventually it would sink in.

It appeared to Father Rob that this would be the case with Harry but he hoped that because he was someone that Harry didn't know well, his words would have a strong impact.

"Harry, can I ask you a question?"

Harry sniffled in response but nodded his head in the affirmative.

Father Rob clasped his hands between his knees and looked Harry in the eye. "Harry have you ever met someone you believed to be truly evil?"

Harry almost laughed. _Of course, Voldemort. He was the devil incarnate as far as Harry was concerned._ Instead, he simply nodded.

"And do you think this person capable of compassion?"

_Voldemort = compassion…. Never in a million years!_ Instead of verbalizing his thoughts he shook his head.

"So if someone who has no compassion can be described as being evil, then would it be fair to say that they do not feel guilt?"

"Sure, I guess so…"

"So Harry, do you feel guilt for the death of the person you spoke of?"

_What kind of question was that?_ "Of course I have guilt!"

"Then if you have guilt you are not evil. Therefore you did NOT murder him. Do you understand?"

"But I didn't save him, I let him be killed."

Father Rob sighed. "Harry, you are just a boy, it is not your job to save everyone."

_Yeah right… Shows what you know…_

"… and if anyone says that your job is indeed to do so, they are obviously not looking out for your best interests." He left Harry with his thoughts for a moment and then added a final thought. "Harry, I'm going to impart to you some wisdom I was given by my Spiritual Director while at Seminary. He always used to say 'before we can care for others, we must first care for ourselves'. What he meant by that was to make sure that you are doing this because you 'want to', not because you 'have to'."

"But… I don't have a choice, I'm the only one…"

"Harry, if you were the only one, you and I would not be having this conversation. I am certain that you probably have some friends while you're away at school. Why don't you try confiding in them?"

"But I don't want to burden them…"

"Harry, if they are your friends I am certain they would not consider it a burden to come to your aid."

"I hope you're right…"

"Harry, before you go, I want to give you something." Father Rob reached around and untied a cross from around his neck, "this is a cross that I was given as a child, it was a way for me to know that no matter what circumstances I find myself in, I know that I am never really alone. I would like to impart that knowledge to you as well and also for you to know that you will be in my prayers. These are prayers to give you strength in your tasks and that God may help you to unburden your heart. Always remember that if you have questions or just want to talk, I am always just down the road. I wish you the best of luck on your journey my friend." He tied the cross around Harry's neck and patted him gently on the shoulder before silently leaving the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Life Starts Now: a Sequel/Song-fic for Sanctuary

_Inspired by the song Life Starts Now by Three Days Grace_

By The Blind Apprentice

You say that you feel so down

Every time I turn around

And you say you should've been gone by now

And you think that everything's wrong

You ask me how to carry on

You'll make it through another day just hold on.

Cuz life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

I hate to see you fall down

I'll pick you up off the ground

I've watched the weight of your world come down

And now it's your chance to move on

Change the way you've lived for so long

Find the strength you've had inside all along

Cuz life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

(All this pain)

Take this life and make it your own

(All this hate)

Take your heart and let it love again

(You will survive this somehow)

Life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

Life starts now

You've done all the things that could kill you somehow

And you're so far down

Life starts now…

It had been about two years since I had seen him. He had stumbled into my church and I think I was able to lift a great weight from that young man's shoulders.

He hadn't been able to come see me because he was away at school but the summer of his seventeenth birthday, he came to me one afternoon a mess once more. He said that he needed absolution for the death of another important person in his life. After delving further into the issue we discovered that Harry had yet again been put in a position that caused him to bear guilt for something he didn't cause and was unable to stop.

But in the end, I did absolve him. It seemed to help.

And there I sat another year on; it was now summertime once more. This year had been wrought with many strange occurrences. The dreadful fog that seemed to suck all happiness from the world and all of the strange kidnappings and deaths. It had been a year of spending much of my time comforting the grieving that was left behind.

And then one evening, Harry stumbled once more into the nave of my church…

"Father, I need you! Please?"

At the first word, I came running from where I had been doing some work in my office. By the time I arrived, Harry was on his knees before the altar silently rocking himself. As I drew closer, I noticed the state of him, he looked dreadful.

"Harry, it's the middle of the night, what has happened? Are you all right?"

"He's gone… I killed him, he's gone."

I knelt beside the boy and brought his face to look at me. The look in those vibrant green eyes will haunt me to this day. Empty, void of life. He looked lost and vulnerable. No wonder he had come to me.

"Harry. What do you mean 'he's gone'? Son are you all right?"

He started to laugh lightly, "Father, I did it. They all wanted me to. I was the only one," then his laughter changed to something entirely, "I had to kill him Father, if I didn't…" By now he was sobbing brokenly into my shirt. "I had to Father, I was the only one…"

He repeated that sentence to himself over and over in an attempt to make it true. Without completely understanding the details behind the situation, I did at least see someone who was trying to convince himself of something that he didn't truly believe.

I pulled the boy to my chest and rocked him. "It's all right son, you're safe, it's all right." We sat like that for almost an hour before he began to calm down, but I realized that he had indeed fallen asleep. I smiled gently at him. "Guide him waking oh Lord, and guard him sleeping. That awake he may watch with Christ and asleep may he rest in peace."

I carried him to my office and lay him on my sofa with a spare blanket and pillow that I kept there for the occasional night when it made more sense to sleep in my office. I knew that tonight was going to be a night of vigil. I got out my rosary, the prayer book, and got comfortable. This boy desperately needed someone and I was going to be there for him.

Somewhere around five, I lost my battle with sleep but was hyper-aware of any noises So when he started thrashing about and weeping in his sleep I was immediately at his side whispering words of comfort and praying that God might grant him rest. After about twenty-or so minutes of this, he calmed and once again fell back to sleep. I moved once more to my chair and was soon asleep once-more as well.

We both were awoken at the noise of the vacuum. Ah for Mrs. Henderson, she had found me many-a-night sleeping and would do her best to not disturb me. She would arrive at about 9 and begin the furthest from my office, so by that judgment, it was close to noon.

I opened my eyes to see Harry slowly doing the same. "Father… Where?"

"You're safe son. You're still in the church. You're on the sofa in my office."

"Oh."

"What would you say to a cup of coffee and some breakfast? I'm sure we can find something."

He looked hesitant for a moment before nodding in agreement.

After a breakfast of toast, ham and some fruit, we were once-more ensconced in my office. He was nervous, his hands were obviously sweating as he continually wiped them on his pants. He took a deep breath and lifted his head to look at me.

"Father…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat and tried once-more. "Father, I want to explain."

"All right."

"Father, you see, I'm not… I'm not a …normal… person. I'm what you would call…" He sighed in frustration, "Father, I'm a wizard!"

I can honestly say I was not expecting to hear that. But knowing that if I wanted more of the story I kept my mouth shut and just raised an eyebrow as a sign I had heard.

"You see, I didn't know that until I was eleven. I had been living with my relatives and they had never really liked me, you see. I never understood why until they were confronted by a man who told me the truth. My aunt spoke of her hatred for my mother. I also found out that my mother and father were killed when I was a baby. I also found out that my mother sacrificed herself for me. The man tried to kill me but he couldn't. When he cast a curse at me, it rebounded and he was obliviated, or so many people thought. He came back- he had never truly died, he just regained a new body and proceeded to begin tormenting the world. For the first year or so, he didn't really do anything. In-part from tormenting me and causing the death of my Godfather. He was the man I came to you about the first time." I nodded in understanding. "Then last year, he got a student at my school to come up with a way to get his men inside and when they did, they killed the Headmaster. I've never hated someone as much as I hated my former Professor- the one who killed the Headmaster. I thought he was a murderer and I wanted to avenge the Headmaster's death, by taking his own. But now… With what I know… I… I don't hate him anymore. He was a bastard, but he wasn't a murderer. He was just trapped in this situation, just like me…" Harry seemed lost in thought for a while when I thought to prompt him once more.

"Yesterday, you spoke of being the only one. What did you mean? Surely someone-"

"No! Sorry… I mean… No. I was the only one. The man who came back to life, he and I were prophesized to have to confront each other. The prophecy said that "neither could live while the other survived." It was going to be either me or him. I was the only one who could do it. So I had to do it…"

There was silence for a few moments and I sensed that Harry wasn't done with his story so I let the silence rest for as long as Harry needed.

"Father… I… I think I died Father. I don't know what I was expecting… King's Cross… What a strange place. I met the Headmaster." A small smile shown on Harry's face. "I was glad to see him. And then there was this thing… Evidently when Voldemort tried to kill me as a baby, a piece of his soul lodged itself within me, and that's what that …thing… was, a piece of his soul. And it was strange, all I had to do was show it compassion, it hated that and it couldn't live with compassion. So then the Headmaster told me I had to go back. So I did… It was horrible Father, there was fighting… Remus and Tonks…" at this point he began to sob quietly once more.

I reached out to him and handed him a tissue. "It's all right. They're away from all the pain and the grief, they're home with their families now Harry."

"But what about Teddy? He'll grow up just like me, he won't know his parents."

"No he won't Harry. You will be there for him. You, someone who knows the loneliness of a life without parents, you will understand him. Sometimes all we want is for someone to simply understand."

This seemed to help, and Harry was able to collect himself once more and continued with the story. "The fighting went into the school. The people were faced with the most-hated but most-feared person in the world, a kin to Hitler, but with a magic wand. Some of them were afraid, but others…" at this, he started to chuckle lightly. "Mrs. Weasly, "Not my daughter, you bitch." I've never heard her say something like that before. It was awesome." But Harry's smile faded. "Then Voldemort and I were fighting. It was a tough fight… But I won."

There was a thick silence for a few moments until Harry spoke once more. In his tone was exhaustion, and grief, sounds no boy should make. "They were all happy. He was gone. I guess I'm glad… No, I know I'm glad, but…"

"You have to live with the death of another human being on your hands."

He only nodded.

"So now begins the difficult questions."

He took a deep breath and looked at me once more. "Father, do you… Do you think that God…?"

"Will hate you? Condemn You? Cause you to burn in hell for eternity?"

He visibly flinched at each statement.

"No Harry. I don't think that God would do any of those things." Harry's head shot up and he pierced me with his gaze.

"But, I?"

"Harry, I'm going to tell you something that a military chaplain once told me, and I believe to be true. There will always be war, and there has always been war, and war will cease to be once we are all with our Father. Sadly, those who fight the war don't cause the war they're fighting. They are merely caught up in the situation, and for them, it is a fight for their very lives. So I think God understands that under those circumstances we will do whatever is necessary to save our own lives, and I don't think he blames us for it. I think he knows that it is not within our nature to end another's life. So, do I think God would hate you for ending the reign of terror caused by that man? No Harry. In-fact, I think he may even be proud of you for doing such a difficult thing. You see Harry, God loves you. He doesn't want you to be hurt. He doesn't want you to have to feel pain. He only wants for us to be happy. Alas, however, our world is full of imperfect beings that don't always allow for that. Harry, I know you feel guilty. That is natural. In-fact, I would be even more concerned if you didn't! Son, you will be all right- in time. It may take a while, but take comfort in knowing that God will always love you."

By this time, I was grasping firmly to Harry's hands, and he was openly crying, with tears rolling down his face.

I held onto him for several minutes while he cried just trying to provide comfort. He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes, "Thank you, Father."

"You're very welcome Harry."

Harry took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "So, what do I do now?"

"You live Harry. You love, you cherish life, and you do your best. That's all anyone can ask. You've done your duty, and now it if your time. You're young, go have some fun, get out of the country for a while, see some sights. Take time for yourself. Be gentle with yourself, there will be good days, all right days, and bloody awful days, you'll get angry for no reason at all, and you'll find yourself crying for no apparent reason. Know that all of these things are normal, but don't shut yourself away. If you need to talk, do it. If you need to rant, do it. If you just want to sit silently with someone, that's ok too. Just know that you do not have to do this alone. I am here, you have people in your life that you can lean on, take advantage of that. Surely, they will grant you that much. But if not, drop them. If they are not willing or able to give you support, find people that can, but most-importantly, will give you that support. That is what you deserve Harry."

"But they're all happy, they won't understand."

"You're right, some may not, but I think you'll be surprised. But I say again, if you can't find people within your circle, go seeking others, they are out there."

I squeezed his hands gently.

"Do you think you'll be all right?"

He sighed. "I surely hope so."

"I have faith in you Harry, you're stronger than you know. You've dealt with so much already in your young life. I have no doubt, just don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that I'm always here if you need to talk."

He nodded once more. "Thank you."

THE END

A/N: It has been a long time since I read Deathly Hallows- read it once and couldn't pick it up again, I was mad- lol. So you'll have to forgive my vague memories of Dumbledore and Harry in King's Cross and the battle in the Great Hall. Never will forget Mrs. Weasly's quote though, lol.

I hope this was ok for a sequel. I didn't think this needed to go any further. Whether it would have lead to the Epilogue, I haven't thought about it. The most important thing was to help Harry deal with some of his guilt and confront it. I hope I did that.

I won't apologize for my obvious religious view, but that's just me, and I don't want to sound arrogant or anything. I like to base this with psychological background with the spiritual comfort that I find in God and his love.

I wish you all many blessings and pray that God makes himself known to you all.

Peace

Nancy


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